Pills, Pizza and Pee

**lengthy blog

My mother aptly chose the topic and title for this one.  Disclaimer..she is also responsible for my ability to find humor in the oddest of places.

For some unknown reason, Randy fights Mom when she tries to administer his medication.  Whether it be verbal refusal or locking his jaw and pursing his lips, he usually renders her defeated.

He has recently become unable to swallow his pills, requiring them to be crushed and mixed into liquids.  Even in this form, he makes her work for success.  

Last night, as I was out for a bit, Mom was on med duty.  After 4 attempts to ensure the entire liquid dosage was taken, she gave up, figuring he'd ingested "just enough".  He was manageable and agreeable.

Shortly thereafter, and much to Randy's delight, a pizza delivery arrived.  Our roomie accepted the delivery after confirming with the delivery driver, that I had ordered it.  

I had not.  He had not.  Texts and phone calls later, it was determined our son had not.

A few moments later (and after several pieces had been devoured by Randy), our neighbor arrived and asked if we had received their pizza in error.  Apparently their grown son, who has lived in their house for several years, gave them the wrong address.  Understandably, they did not want the uneaten pizza back. (Uummm.. thanks for the free pizza neighbor we've never formally met).

Said pizza eaten and "just enough" meds taken, Randy proceeded to announce he was tired and laid down, face first, on the living room floor.  Out like a light!  

(He does this often.. it's the strangest thing, although not on the floor)

In any event, this is the state in which I found Randy, upon my return home.  So yes Mom, I believe "just enough" was correct.

Mom departed and roomie and I managed, in what could only be described as a 3 Stooges re-enactment, to get him up off of the floor and into bed. (Did  I mention he is 6' 1" and about 210)

On to the next..

Roomie educates me that Randy may have pee'd in the pantry but, no worries, Mom cleaned it up.  I take this at face value and actually get a decent nights sleep.

That should have been a red flag!  Maybe my subconscious knew I would need the rest to prepare me what was waiting for me.

Fast forward to this morning when I remember those last words spoken by the roomie.

I find this side splitting funny NOW, however, in the moment, not so much.

Upon inspection of the pantry, Mom had not exactly cleaned it up.  I mean, she did but it was a much larger issue than she was aware.

Now, if your pantry is like mine, there are about 10 years worth of shopping bags shoved as far under that bottom shelf as humanly possibly.

At first, I see a small area she missed.  No problem.  Lysol and paper towels in hand, I'm going in.  Begin the process.  Move some bags.  

Ewwww.. more than I expected.

Spray and wipe.  Move more bags.

Holy crap!  That's a lot of urine!

Paper towels are not going to handle this job.  Pull out throw-away shop towels and head back in.

Move more bags.  Feel urine splash on my pajamas.

Take a step back.  Re-group.  Dive back in but with gusto. Now I'm p****** (no pun intended)

Snatch up the next handful of bags.

Wait... did pee just splash in my hair?

I'm on my hands and knees at this point, about 1 1/2 feet under the shelf.  Jesus, there's more!  

It suddenly occurs to me that this is more than a single urine incident.  (Sorry Mom.. you're off the hook) How could we not notice or, dear Lord, smell it???

Swoop out the last of the bags.

OMG!!!  THERE IS PEE ON MY FACE!!!! OMG! OMG!! OMG!!!! (Yes, I was saying this out loud!)

At this moment I have lost all control of my sanity.  Out of sheer rage and frustration, I let out the most feral scream imaginable and begin to cry.

All the while, Randy is calmly seated at the bar eating his bowl of Cheerios, just like every morning.  The only attention he gives me during my meltdown is a mere glance and a shrug.  Cheerios are clearly more important.

I'm stunned!  Speechless!  And then my tears of anger turn into tears of laughter.

Today, I am clearly the one who has lost their mind while the Mr is cool as a cucumber.

What did I learn today?  

1.  Alzheimer's patients are like ninja's

2.  Anything can happen

3.  Urine washes off (this one was more of a refresher)

If you ain't laughing, you're crying!

Cheers💜