Grief

Hospital bed arrived Friday.  I cried.

Discontinued all current meds and transitioned to comfort care meds only.  I cried.

He refused food and water all day Saturday.  Minimal ingestion yesterday and today.

He has to be moved every 2 hours, around the clock, going forward, to avoid bedsores.

How are we here already?  He ate a full meal, on his own, just 4 days ago.

I'm torn between hoping that this is truly how easily his suffering will end.  In disbelief that he will not have to endure all of the pain and trials that most patients face.

Yet grieving that his life is coming to and end.  That, after all he has overcome in his life, he is being robbed of all the things he planned for his future.  The unfairness of it all.

April 24th will be 5 years exactly, that we have traveled this road.  I have reflected on all the tough moments.  The ones that made me doubt my ability to see this through.  To keep my promise.

I've come to realize that the good moments outnumbered the bad.  The bad simply outweighed the good, blurring my vision.

I know that the next few weeks will be the hardest yet.  I will admit that I am scared.  This will be the ultimate test.  
My final opportunity to ensure his remaining days are comfortable and that he leaves this world peacefully.

Psalms 29:11
The Lord gives strength to his people; the Lord blesses his people with peace.

Strength and Peace to us all.

Cheers💜










Comments

  1. AnonymousMarch 27, 2023 at 8:01 PM

    You are awesome and he does know how awesome you are. You have been such a blessing to Randy. Love you

    ReplyDelete
  2. Stephanie HobbsMarch 27, 2023 at 8:23 PM

    May the peace of God that surpasses all circumstances fill your heart as you trust in Him. You’ve been so faithful in so many ways and imperfections covered by His Grace. Praying for you and him for grace upon grace!

    ReplyDelete
  3. AnonymousMarch 27, 2023 at 8:31 PM

    Prayers for you Melissa and the family. 🙏

    ReplyDelete
  4. AnonymousMarch 27, 2023 at 8:49 PM

    Prayers for you that God give you the strength 🙏🏽🙏🏽

    ReplyDelete
  5. Anna Helton DaRisaMarch 27, 2023 at 9:47 PM

    So much love and admiration for you Melissa. It is a wicked disease. You will all be in my prayers.

    ReplyDelete
  6. AnonymousMarch 28, 2023 at 9:36 PM

    My heart breaks for you all. I wish I could take away all your pain and leave only joy for you. It is a process that you are going through, and not an easy one. Do not neglect your own health and well being, and be open to grief counciling later on. It helps more than I can convey with words. Love you warrior woman !!

    ReplyDelete
  7. AnonymousMarch 29, 2023 at 8:01 AM

    You are not alone💔.
    Praying for you as you walk your final steps together. Praying peace for you, as you know he’s merely going home & you will see him again.

    ReplyDelete

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