Blooming

4 months and 12 days...

Blogging doesn't come easy.  I have plenty to share but struggle to find the relevance to Him... his journey.  How, in such a short period of time has my world become not connected to the "us" that once was?

I suppose the answer is healing.  Continuing to live and move on to the next chapter.  The chapter that will be mine to explore, nurture and develop.

It is the natural way of things.  We love, we lose and we move on.

One day, that twinge of guilt will subside.  We are not designed to remain in a state of sorrow and despair after tragedy strikes.  We are meant to live.  To learn from it.

I've read of people in my position who simply cannot work fully through the loss, by no fault of their own. Who never find love again.  Who are so changed by their Alzheimer's journey that while they continue to live, they do so as a party of one.

No judgement here.  Rebuilding after such tremendous loss is scary.  It's hard.  It can be sad.  But ... it is always brave.

Don't misunderstand me, there is a beauty in loving someone so completely that one is able to find contentment after loss.  Being full-filled so completely that being loved by him or her was simply enough.  

Then there are others who can't fathom the rest of their lives being a widow/er, regardless the depth of love that was shared.  Who still have so much living to do but desire a partner to share it with.

This is where I have landed.

And, in true fashion of the unsolicited opinions and advice we endured as caregivers, there will be commentary from the peanut gallery.  

I don't choose to travel through the rest of my years without a partner.  Solo is not for me.  It is also not what He wanted for me.

So, here I am.  Living and loving again.  Being the best me I can be.  Remembering and celebrating him, each step of the way.

He will always be a part of me.  And, if I play my cards right, our story will help others.  

Ease the fears of a caregiver...
Provide a little laughter to a struggling loved one...
Prepare a spouse for the inevitable...
Educate the misguided souls in said "Peanut Gallery"...

And a gentle reminder that if you are lucky enough to find love again, it is imperative that your someone special understand the link you will always have to your lost love.  HOWEVER, no one can thrive living under the shadow of a ghost.

Your heart has room for what once was and what is blossoming.

You have permission to bloom.

Cheers💜















Comments

  1. AnonymousAugust 16, 2023 at 6:27 PM

    There is a quote from George Lucas that says “We are all living in cages with the door wide open”
    We worry about what others think, but they are not walking our life path.
    We need to follow our hearts, without asking for anyone’s permission. No one’s life path matches yours.
    May God Bless you Melissa
    You’re an amazing, smart lady
    🙏🏻💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜🙏🏻

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Rainbows and Angels

83 days without him. I'm beginning to travel again.  Traveling to places he loved.  Places he always wanted to go. The guilt has lessened as I purposefully take a moment to picture his face in my mind and silently ask him if he is pleased with my new path.  And, to thank him for taking such good care of me, affording me the ability to live this life. I spent a week in North Carolina with my Daughter, Son-in-Love and two glorious granddaughters (6 and 3/12).   Randy's last visit was over 2 years ago and he was on cloud 9 with his girls.  Thankfully we were able to FaceTime during the final 24 months of his life.  Because of this, his girls knew him.. remember him. In the final moments of Randy's passing, we were experiencing a rainstorm.  As he released his last breath, the rain subsided and the most extraordinary double rainbow appeared over our home.  His message that he was ok.  (FYI...the day we wed it was raining and as we arrived at the church, the rain cleared and gav
Read more

“Who Are You?”

It finally happened  As of late , he can’t tell me my name, when asked.   If I ask him if my name is Melissa, he tells me “she’s not here”. When I tell him I’m Melissa, he responds with “cool”. Weirdly, if someone else refers to me by name, he knows who they are speaking of. I’ve begun asking him how we are related.  He just shrugs and smiles.   Am I your Mother? “No, I don’t have one”. (True, Mom passed from this horrible disease in 2001) Am I your Wife?  “No, she’s not here”. We are married.  “That’s awesome!” He has even gone so far as to throw his arm around my shoulder and tell me what a good sister I am.  (He has no sisters) And again, if someone else asks about his Wife, he knows it’s me. This disease fascinates me.. when it’s not destroying everything we had, little by little. Over the weekend, Randy stayed with his Dad and Stepmom. When I arrived to pick him up, he was napping.  So as not to startle him, I softly sat beside him and rubbed his arm.  He opened is eyes and with a
Read more