Stages

 Calls for Palliative Care assessments have been made.  Applications for IHSS have been filed. Documents and files are being compiled.

Randy has opened the door to stage 7.  The final stages of his journey. It's astonishing it's only been 5 short (and long) years to this place.  

However, he is the happiest I've seen him in years.

I'm struggling (once again) with this transition, fretting and willing myself to handle situations I could never have fathomed.

All while he is in a wonderful place in his mind.

What an interesting place for God to bestow a Blessing.

Randy is giggly and all smiles.  Playful and ever the prankster.  He is interactive and silly.

Softening the blow of the now daily occurrences of his failing mind and body.

He joins in on our sarcastic banter, although gibberish in speech , but we know he's lucid in the moment.  Whatever comment he is trying to make, it's clear he is spot on.

Laughing with him is the best.

He'll gesture inappropriately (on purpose) and then that grin will spread across his face, mixed with a bit of mischief.

If we're lucky, we'll even get his infamous smile with his tongue out (If you know him, you know!).

He'll poke fun and then lovingly nudge us or massage our shoulders, as to lighten the sting of the verbal burn he has just delivered.

And yesterday.... he told me I was beautiful.

This is what keeps me going.  These are the little things that give caregivers the strength to continue.

These moments when we are reminded that our loved one is still in there somewhere, just changed.  Just unable to break through the abyss of confusion.

This is why we do what we do.

I am grateful that he has no idea how his mind and body are failing him.  His heart would be broken and his dignity shattered and that is simply no way for this man to finish his life here on Earth.

He sees no tears.  He hears no unkind words.  I'm still a work in progress in hiding my frustration.  (I suspect there will be no mastery with that one)

Everyday he is able to experience joy is a day we have won.

Stage 7 will ultimately win this war and end his suffering. 

Stage 7 is where I have to dig deep into my core to find the strength to ensure I keep going.

Stage 7 will forever change a part of me as a Wife, a Mother, a person.

And I will be a better human for it.  Learning patience.  Kindness.  Compassion for the unseen battles we are all fighting. To love with increased fierceness. To be present.

Stage 7 will be my last chance to ensure the rest of his days are beautiful.

Life is a journey for all of us, the length unknown.  Make it beautiful.

Cheers💜