He Sings

I am struggling with my anger toward God.  What possible plan could He have for him?  For me?  There cannot possibly be a Divine reason for this.

Realizing that I may never understand makes it even worse.

Home with him full time now.  Pushed through his Palliative Care assessment.  As of today, he is officially on Hospice. Granted help with general hygiene and nursing services 5 days per week.  Supplies being delivered.  End of life meds, although a tad premature, provided.

Trying to digest my shock and relief.  We are here.  I'm scared and angry.  Sad and praying for Godspeed.  (Ironic, I know).

In spite of being in the midst of this new hell, Randy is exhibiting a new emotional behavior...

Joy.

The joy of music.

We've all heard how therapeutic music can be but to witness the effect on my gentle giant is astonishing.

We are in the bowels (literally) of the part of this disease that most fear more than anything else yet, he sings.

Car rides around town, radio on... he smiles and sings.

Music on at home while cooking dinner or cleaning the house.. he tries to wiggles those hips and sings.

My cellphone ringtone plays... he starts moving his shoulders up and down and gets at least one hand to snap, just a bit.

This is the most painful experience of my life.  The most tragic of his. 

And suddenly, music begins to speak to him.  

And he sings.

His time with us, while exact length unknown, is nearing its end but he is able to experience joy in song.

The newest epiphanic revelation I've learned from Randy and his Alzheimer's damaged mind?

I've forgotten to listen for the melodies in my world.  To let the music speak to my soul and heal my heart.  

When I carry the weight of the world on my shoulders, he has reminded me.

He has reminded me to sing.

Cheers💜





Comments

  1. AnonymousDecember 28, 2022 at 3:54 PM

    Prayers for you both!!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. AnonymousDecember 28, 2022 at 4:39 PM

    Omg Melissa, you are truly a saint. Randy is very lucky to have his own angel here on earth. I could only wish you love , happiness and with this new emotion of his. May God give you the strength to deal with everything that comes with this terrible disease. Know that we are all here for you and praying for you and the family.

    ReplyDelete
  3. AnonymousDecember 28, 2022 at 5:30 PM

    Oh sweet friend, you are feeling normal emotions that go with all you are living. I will pray for your peace and that Randy's joy continues to get him through. I can tell you, the confusion of letting go and holding on is real and it cuts deep.

    ReplyDelete
  4. AnonymousDecember 28, 2022 at 6:40 PM

    ❤

    ReplyDelete
  5. AnonymousDecember 28, 2022 at 10:57 PM

    ❤️ One day at a time ❤️

    ReplyDelete
  6. AnonymousDecember 29, 2022 at 5:59 AM

    How beautifully heartbreaking 💔. Brings back memories of my grandmother and how music would soothe her in her journey.
    May God wrap His loving arm's around you and hold you tight 💜🙏🙏💜

    ReplyDelete

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