Oddities

Such a strange ebb and flow this week.  Randy is primarily happy however, every moment has potential disaster lurking just beneath the surface.  

I follow and participate in 2 support groups on FB.  I’ve read all the posts regarding stage idiosyncratic behaviors but seeing him exude them is startling.

Empathy is a lost emotion to him.  I totaled our car last weekend (no injuries other than my pride).  I called him a few minutes after it happened.  He wasn’t concerned or fazed.  No fear.  No anger.  Nothing.

He goes from sleeping till noon one day to waking at dawn and not being able to stop for a moment the next.  

When he’s manic, he finds so many irrational reasons to be angry.  

There are cardboard boxes in the garage
I won’t let him pile dirty clothes on our bed
Making him brush his teeth
Not allowing him to wear the same outfit EVERY DAY
I won’t let him change the bottled water jug BEFORE it’s empty

I know that deep in his mind, this is about having some sort of control in a world where he virtually has none.  Lord have mercy!

He cannot sit still.  He lies down for a moment, then he’s up and running…

Opening the garage door, closing the garage door
Taking all his shirts off the hangers
Pacing through the house
Lining up everything on his nightstand, just so
Out the front door to check the mail or merely stand at the curb, over and over, all day long
Standing in Jeanette’s room… literally just standing, nothing else

This is boredom at its finest.  There is almost nothing he can do to occupy his failing mind.

The simple things he forgets how to do intermittently….

The heel of his socks don’t go on top
What he does and doesn’t like to eat
How to squeeze the toothpaste out of the tube
When to use a fork vs a spoon
How to tie his shoes
Today… he asked how to eat fried chicken

I find this interesting, sad and sometimes amusing, depending on his level of distress at the moment.

Fun fact, my perceived reaction to whatever he is going through has the ability to swing his emotional pendulum from a funny-oops moment to a Defcon 5 disaster.  

Yeah, because I needed one more learning moment on this journey.

His brain will continue to malfunction.  His moods will certainly swing.  He will continue to regress to a child like state.

He throws fits.  He sneaks treats.  Farts make him giggle.  Veggies are yucky.  Making funny faces in the mirror is fun.

Carry on big guy.  We will love you through it.

Cheers💜











Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Rainbows and Angels

83 days without him. I'm beginning to travel again.  Traveling to places he loved.  Places he always wanted to go. The guilt has lessened as I purposefully take a moment to picture his face in my mind and silently ask him if he is pleased with my new path.  And, to thank him for taking such good care of me, affording me the ability to live this life. I spent a week in North Carolina with my Daughter, Son-in-Love and two glorious granddaughters (6 and 3/12).   Randy's last visit was over 2 years ago and he was on cloud 9 with his girls.  Thankfully we were able to FaceTime during the final 24 months of his life.  Because of this, his girls knew him.. remember him. In the final moments of Randy's passing, we were experiencing a rainstorm.  As he released his last breath, the rain subsided and the most extraordinary double rainbow appeared over our home.  His message that he was ok.  (FYI...the day we wed it was raining and as we arrived at the church, the rain cleared and gav
Read more

Blooming

4 months and 12 days... Blogging doesn't come easy.  I have plenty to share but struggle to find the relevance to Him... his journey.  How, in such a short period of time has my world become not connected to the "us" that once was? I suppose the answer is healing.  Continuing to live and move on to the next chapter.  The chapter that will be mine to explore, nurture and develop. It is the natural way of things.  We love, we lose and we move on. One day, that twinge of guilt will subside.  We are not designed to remain in a state of sorrow and despair after tragedy strikes.  We are meant to live.  To learn from it. I've read of people in my position who simply cannot work fully through the loss, by no fault of their own. Who never find love again.  Who are so changed by their Alzheimer's journey that while they continue to live, they do so as a party of one. No judgement here.  Rebuilding after such tremendous loss is scary.  It's hard.  It can be sad.  But ...
Read more

“Who Are You?”

It finally happened  As of late , he can’t tell me my name, when asked.   If I ask him if my name is Melissa, he tells me “she’s not here”. When I tell him I’m Melissa, he responds with “cool”. Weirdly, if someone else refers to me by name, he knows who they are speaking of. I’ve begun asking him how we are related.  He just shrugs and smiles.   Am I your Mother? “No, I don’t have one”. (True, Mom passed from this horrible disease in 2001) Am I your Wife?  “No, she’s not here”. We are married.  “That’s awesome!” He has even gone so far as to throw his arm around my shoulder and tell me what a good sister I am.  (He has no sisters) And again, if someone else asks about his Wife, he knows it’s me. This disease fascinates me.. when it’s not destroying everything we had, little by little. Over the weekend, Randy stayed with his Dad and Stepmom. When I arrived to pick him up, he was napping.  So as not to startle him, I softly sat beside him and rubbed his arm.  He opened is eyes and with a
Read more