Observations

No theme to this one.  Just thoughts of the little nuances of our week.

Each new day brings a different version of our guy.  Happy, sad, angry, tired.  Who knows.  The sun rises and we buckle up for whatever emerges.

We’ve run the gamut these past several days.  First part of the week we had Neuro appointments and an MRI.  (Very apprehensive about these results).

Doctors visits always prompt the driving restriction issue, which results in a mad fit about how unfair it is.  After the MRI, Randy expressed how excited he was and that he “hopes it worked”.  

Another crack in my heart knowing he thinks he can be cured.

Mid week, he was an absolute BEAST!  Sleeping an average of  15 hours.  On Wednesday he was fighting mad when Pop came to pick him up for his usual overnighter.  He just wanted to sleep.  He just wanted to be left alone.  He was actually a bit scary, which is shocking to see in our gentle giant, each time it happens.

I’m happy to report it’s nothing a Starbucks and tacos couldn’t fix because… I mean….tacos and Starbucks!

The last 2 days he has been a dream, mood wise.  Yes, he tried to cut his food with his spoon and eat with his knife.  Yes, he may have thought, for a moment, that our walk-in closet was a bathroom (disaster averted).  And, yes, he thinks that socks, underwear and a shirt is acceptable and complete attire but, he is giggly and pleasant.

I’ll take winning for $200, Alex!

He has a packed weekend planned and is very excited.  San Jose Earthquakes season opener today and fishing all day tomorrow.  One more time, his tribe steps up (a million thanks Gabriel and Joey) to embrace our guy, make some memories and give this grateful soul time for self care.  (May involve alcohol… nothing to see here)

In the midst of our storm it still surprises me that I can honestly say, we are blessed.  Certainly not every day and some days, it’s pure hell but, blessed we are.

It can be worse. 
It will be worse.  

Blessings soften the blow, if only for a moment.

Cheers💜

















Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Rainbows and Angels

83 days without him. I'm beginning to travel again.  Traveling to places he loved.  Places he always wanted to go. The guilt has lessened as I purposefully take a moment to picture his face in my mind and silently ask him if he is pleased with my new path.  And, to thank him for taking such good care of me, affording me the ability to live this life. I spent a week in North Carolina with my Daughter, Son-in-Love and two glorious granddaughters (6 and 3/12).   Randy's last visit was over 2 years ago and he was on cloud 9 with his girls.  Thankfully we were able to FaceTime during the final 24 months of his life.  Because of this, his girls knew him.. remember him. In the final moments of Randy's passing, we were experiencing a rainstorm.  As he released his last breath, the rain subsided and the most extraordinary double rainbow appeared over our home.  His message that he was ok.  (FYI...the day we wed it was raining and as we arrived at the church, the rain cleared and gav
Read more

Blooming

4 months and 12 days... Blogging doesn't come easy.  I have plenty to share but struggle to find the relevance to Him... his journey.  How, in such a short period of time has my world become not connected to the "us" that once was? I suppose the answer is healing.  Continuing to live and move on to the next chapter.  The chapter that will be mine to explore, nurture and develop. It is the natural way of things.  We love, we lose and we move on. One day, that twinge of guilt will subside.  We are not designed to remain in a state of sorrow and despair after tragedy strikes.  We are meant to live.  To learn from it. I've read of people in my position who simply cannot work fully through the loss, by no fault of their own. Who never find love again.  Who are so changed by their Alzheimer's journey that while they continue to live, they do so as a party of one. No judgement here.  Rebuilding after such tremendous loss is scary.  It's hard.  It can be sad.  But ...
Read more

“Who Are You?”

It finally happened  As of late , he can’t tell me my name, when asked.   If I ask him if my name is Melissa, he tells me “she’s not here”. When I tell him I’m Melissa, he responds with “cool”. Weirdly, if someone else refers to me by name, he knows who they are speaking of. I’ve begun asking him how we are related.  He just shrugs and smiles.   Am I your Mother? “No, I don’t have one”. (True, Mom passed from this horrible disease in 2001) Am I your Wife?  “No, she’s not here”. We are married.  “That’s awesome!” He has even gone so far as to throw his arm around my shoulder and tell me what a good sister I am.  (He has no sisters) And again, if someone else asks about his Wife, he knows it’s me. This disease fascinates me.. when it’s not destroying everything we had, little by little. Over the weekend, Randy stayed with his Dad and Stepmom. When I arrived to pick him up, he was napping.  So as not to startle him, I softly sat beside him and rubbed his arm.  He opened is eyes and with a
Read more