Derailment

Frontotemperal Lobe Dementia…. Because Early Onset Alzheimer’s wasn’t enough.

Finally saw our new Neuro.  Randy could not get one answer right, verbally or mimicking, not one.  This has never happened but, knew one day we would arrive here.

Due to the behavioral and memory deterioration in such a short period of time, Frontotemperal Lobe Dementia is the logical assumption.

It fits his age, his demeanor, his symptoms.  I cannot figure out how to digest this new information.

This changes everything yet changes nothing.  Do we have less time?  Will he be even more difficult?  Will the path be any different?  The end remains the same.  All of the unknowns I am struggling with are irrelevant.

I’m sad and overwhelmed and have no other analogy to describe my train and it’s derailment.

I’m short and snippy.  Almost punishing him for what he cannot control.  What he never asked for.  For what we both fear the most… the unknown hell that awaits.

Time to shift my mental mindset.  Bring in a big ol crane of “shake it off”, put my train back on the tracks and carry on.

He is not sad with this new info that means nothing to him.  He likes his new Doctor and comprehends nothing of this new doom.  Today is just like any other day.  

Again… today is just like any other day.

For all of us.

No one knows what’s coming.  We are all dealt some unfortunate cards.  From time to time, our trains derail.  We can perish in the carnage or right and resume.

If I wallow in the pity, I will miss witnessing the little pieces of him that will make me smile one day, when I reflect back on this journey.  The little pieces of him that make him who he was.  Who he is.

Today, I will be the little engine that could.

Cheers♥️




Comments

  1. Nancy C.January 11, 2022 at 1:08 PM

    💔😢❤️

    ReplyDelete
  2. Darlene Bodiford-BaillieJanuary 13, 2022 at 11:21 AM

    Oh, little engine, I wish so much that there was something I could do to help you on this journey of yours I pray for you both to have peace and happiness. I hope that writing this blog helps you. It is wonderfully written and I truly believe that it will help others. Keep writing and keep getting back up and on the tracks when you get derailed. Love you.

    ReplyDelete

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