Progression

 Wish I had a structured theme to this post.  No pre-determined ebb and flow of thoughts for this one.  Simply saddened and shocked by the changes in such a short period.

Our doctors were very clear that Early Onset Alzheimer’s moved faster than Advanced Age Alzheimer's.  Typical prognosis is 6-9 years.  We are 3 years in.  While I feel his odds are better due to his amazing health, the progression is happening.  At an alarming rate.

This last week and a half has been hard.  A roller coaster of anxiety and anger for Randy.  Add tears and frustration to the list for Nette and I.

He has stormed out 3 times due to not getting his way or feeling stir crazy.  He can’t always wrap his arms around what is happening but he is very aware that he is a grown man with no control of his own life.  

He has to be told to shower, helped with water temperature and assisted in choosing his wardrobe.  He struggles to put items of clothing on in the proper order.  He will tell you an item he is looking for but when you show him where the item is, he is unable to identify the item in question.

Anxiety and a defiant attitude roll in like clockwork, around noon, daily.  Treading lightly is our only defense in helping him navigate.  Success is hit and miss.

He wants everything he sees on TV, much like a child, and gets very upset if he is told we are not getting it.

On the upside, we have reached the point where he can easily be placated if he is made to believe he has gotten what he wants.  Example…

He lost his wallet and ID a little over a month ago.  He has been agitated that I have not taken him to get a new ID.  I managed to find an expired DL and used it to my advantage.  Proceeded to buy him a new wallet and presented it to him with his DL, a few random business cards, his AARP card and $10.  Talk about happy!!! (I may or may not have taped info regarding his diagnosis and my contact number on the back of said DL)

I just don’t understand how we can be so advanced in modern medicine but can’t stop this terrible disease from destroying the minds of our loved ones.

 From turning the people we love into strangers…

Into children….

From turning us, the wives, families and caregivers, into periodic panic-stricken, stress balls of fear, tears and anger…

No one signs up for this s***show!  No one is fully prepared for what happens or when it happens.  Everyday is a day just waiting for the other shoe to drop.  

How can “Progress” be such a hopeful word but “Progression” carry so much heartbreak?

I suppose in the midst of my rant I should be grateful that while he is progressing, he still has so many moments of joy and laughter.  He looks forward to future plans.  He doesn’t know he will leave us prematurely.  

So, I will purge my soul here, to all of you.  Hoping it brings understanding to our chaos.  Hoping it helps others who may be on this journey to realize, they are not alone.  What they are feeling is normal.  

And, I will continue to fight the fight, accept the stumbles and look for the silver linings.

Cheers♥️