Today

 We had a good week.  Lots of smiles, lots of naps and lots of Starbucks.

Today he is tired and very mellow.

Yesterday we laid to rest a dear friend and amazing man!  He did well, as it was a long day.  He was sad for the loss he acknowledged but not emotional, for his ability to empathize comes and goes.  Honestly, he was a bit more focused on my legs and made it known several times!  Not exactly appropriate for the occasion but what are you going to do?  

Today he is a little lost.

Yesterday, at lunch he held up his butter knife and asked me what it was.  My heart sank.  For a moment I was speechless but simply told him it was a knife but he didn’t need it.  Handed him his fork and showed him what to do with it once I recognized there was still confusion on his face.  No issues after that.

Today he couldn’t recall the names of our children and grandchildren when asked.  

He knows these things but he doesn’t.  His mind continues to betray him daily and I am bitter.  This man, this wonderful human being, my 4th child.

Just took him for a mani/pedi and he sits happily next to me, drinking his Starbucks. Still blissfully unaware of the cruelty of his disease.

Today my heart is heavy as he slips a little further into the abyss.

Today his smile reminds me to cherish every today.

Cheers♥️

Comments

  1. Myfriend32September 12, 2021 at 3:47 PM

    Melissa, I can not imagine what your going through but I will continue to pray for you and Randy. 🙏 ❤

    ReplyDelete
  2. Dave eversSeptember 12, 2021 at 4:37 PM

    You are a rock and we all love you for all that you do. You are such a strong women and I am so happy Randy has you in his life. Take care of yourself as much as you can and thanks for being such an amazing women!!!!

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Rainbows and Angels

83 days without him. I'm beginning to travel again.  Traveling to places he loved.  Places he always wanted to go. The guilt has lessened as I purposefully take a moment to picture his face in my mind and silently ask him if he is pleased with my new path.  And, to thank him for taking such good care of me, affording me the ability to live this life. I spent a week in North Carolina with my Daughter, Son-in-Love and two glorious granddaughters (6 and 3/12).   Randy's last visit was over 2 years ago and he was on cloud 9 with his girls.  Thankfully we were able to FaceTime during the final 24 months of his life.  Because of this, his girls knew him.. remember him. In the final moments of Randy's passing, we were experiencing a rainstorm.  As he released his last breath, the rain subsided and the most extraordinary double rainbow appeared over our home.  His message that he was ok.  (FYI...the day we wed it was raining and as we arrived at the church, the rain cleared and gav
Read more

Blooming

4 months and 12 days... Blogging doesn't come easy.  I have plenty to share but struggle to find the relevance to Him... his journey.  How, in such a short period of time has my world become not connected to the "us" that once was? I suppose the answer is healing.  Continuing to live and move on to the next chapter.  The chapter that will be mine to explore, nurture and develop. It is the natural way of things.  We love, we lose and we move on. One day, that twinge of guilt will subside.  We are not designed to remain in a state of sorrow and despair after tragedy strikes.  We are meant to live.  To learn from it. I've read of people in my position who simply cannot work fully through the loss, by no fault of their own. Who never find love again.  Who are so changed by their Alzheimer's journey that while they continue to live, they do so as a party of one. No judgement here.  Rebuilding after such tremendous loss is scary.  It's hard.  It can be sad.  But ...
Read more

“Who Are You?”

It finally happened  As of late , he can’t tell me my name, when asked.   If I ask him if my name is Melissa, he tells me “she’s not here”. When I tell him I’m Melissa, he responds with “cool”. Weirdly, if someone else refers to me by name, he knows who they are speaking of. I’ve begun asking him how we are related.  He just shrugs and smiles.   Am I your Mother? “No, I don’t have one”. (True, Mom passed from this horrible disease in 2001) Am I your Wife?  “No, she’s not here”. We are married.  “That’s awesome!” He has even gone so far as to throw his arm around my shoulder and tell me what a good sister I am.  (He has no sisters) And again, if someone else asks about his Wife, he knows it’s me. This disease fascinates me.. when it’s not destroying everything we had, little by little. Over the weekend, Randy stayed with his Dad and Stepmom. When I arrived to pick him up, he was napping.  So as not to startle him, I softly sat beside him and rubbed his arm.  He opened is eyes and with a
Read more